The dramatic and spiritual high of this week’s parsha is, of course, the revelation at Mount Sinai, where God addresses the Israelites directly, giving them the Ten Commandments. The narrative of preparation for this experience and the experience itself fill most of the parsha, but the first aliyah has a different piece of the story of the Jewish people, and this part gives the parsha its name. The parsha is named for Yitro, Jethro, the Father-in Law of Moses, the priest of Midian.
Yitro appears at the beginning of our parsha, bringing Moses’ wife, Tziporah and their two children to join the Israelite people, now that their escape from Egypt is complete. In this parsha, Yitro is referred to as the father-in-law of Moses, and in the eyes of the midrash, this is a turning of the tables. Earlier, after Moses’ encounter with God at the burning bush, before he returns to Egypt to free the Israelites, he stops first to speak with his father-in-law Yitro and ask his blessing to go. There, the midrash asserts, Moses is defined by his father-in-law, Yitro. Here, Yitro is defined by Moses.
We know very little of Moses’ relationship with his birth father. Perhaps, as a slave, his father did not have the opportunity to develop a relationship with this son who spent most of his childhood in Pharaoh’s palace. Yitro plays much more the role of a fatherly roll model for Moses, welcoming him to his home, teaching him to be a shepherd, and helping watch over his family when Moses goes to fulfill God’s mission of freeing the slaves. In modern parlance, Yitro seems to have taught Moses everything he knows about “adulting”. And for the forty years that we’re told he spent living with Yitro, Moses was likely known as a part of Yitro’s family, with Yitro’s honor trickling down and rubbing off on Moses.
Now Moses is “adulting,” and leading a people, for himself. Yitro comes, having heard of all that God has done for the Israelites, and it is Moses’ honor that is trickling down to Yitro. The rabbis take several views of Yitro and his involvement with the emerging Jewish people. One view is that Yitro, who acknowledges, “now I know that God is greater than all the other gods”, is coming not only to reunite Moses’ family, but also to convert and become part of the Jewish people. He is turning to his student / child, now seeing him as a teacher and a leader. Yitro is not the only one who is seen in this light. The midrash imagines Pharaoh’s daughter, Moses’ adoptive mother also turning away from her father’s beliefs, and joining the Israelite people, leaving Egypt, and traveling with them into the desert.
Moses finds himself as the leader of a people, with his parental figures relying on him, along with a multitude of others. And when Yitro arrives, he finds Moses sitting day in and day out, listening to people’s problems, asking God for advice and solving each dispute or question individually. Yitro, no longer the big-shot in this situation, but still a parental figure and mentor to Moses, offers his son-in-law some advice. Remember, Yitro was the priest of Midian. He has some experience in leadership. He helps Moses develop a system of delegation, allowing him to help everyone who needs him without tiring himself out or making everyone wait for his direct attention.
Though Moses has come into his own, he is still learning from Yitro. Though Yitro is now Moses’ father-in-law, rather than Moses being Yitro’s son-in-law, they have developed a relationship of affection and respect that allows each to learn from the other, and strengthens both them and their community.
As our children grow, the balance of situations where we are identified as their parents, rather than they being identified as our children, shifts slowly. As we guide and mentor them, lovingly trying to help them develop the skills, values and attitudes that will serve them well adults, the prospect of that shifting dynamic looms. What will we be able to learn from them as they come into their strengths and follow their passions? Will they lead us where we have yet to imagine? Will our relationships evolve, as Moses and Yitro’s to the kind where we continue to learn from one another? Will their identities grow, so that it is their name and reputation that defines ours, and will they do so with the love and respect that Moses demonstrates here for Yitro?
Yitro and Pharaoh’s daughter, both see Moses’ potential to grow, with their help, into greatness. May we see that potential in the children we raise, teach, and mentor. And may we have the privilege to see them grow past being defined as our children, and our students, into their own greatness that reflects back on us.