by Beth Null
While reading Rona Kaufman Kitchen’s article “Why My Kids are Going Back to Jewish Day School” on Kveller.com (click here for the original article), I felt like I was hearing someone describe my children’s school. Ms. Kitchen described the Jewish day school her children attend in Pittsburgh at length. Pittsburgh is clearly too far for us to commute to from our home outside Boston, but the similarities between the schools were uncanny.
My son and daughter (third and first graders this year) regularly get high fives from kids in middle school when we see them in Trader Joe’s or in synagogue. They love to give me mini-lessons and quizzes on Hebrew vocabulary during dinner. I also get regular questions about G-d during our drives to and from school.
While Ms. Kitchen and I both have very positive and similar opinions about the impact of Jewish day schools on our children, our reasons for seeking out a Jewish day school for our children are quite different. In the article, she describes herself as a Jewish woman with strong and deep Jewish roots. She is an experienced Jewish educator and grew up within a strong Jewish community. She is clearly capable and has a strong Jewish identity. Despite this, she felt she could not duplicate the Jewish connections her children developed in a Jewish day school. I was quite relieved to hear this from someone of her Jewish pedigree.
My Unplanned Jewish Journey
My ties to the Jewish community are newer and more fragile. In college I met and fell in love with a nice Jewish man, but I wasn’t Jewish. As part of my Jewish journey, we decided to raise our children as Jews and I converted before our first child was born. Raising Jewish children is a big commitment and one I felt unprepared to fulfill on my own. My wonderful husband, while born and raised Jewish, is not the most religious and he felt unprepared for this task as well. This is a hard enough job for those of us who were raised as Jews themselves. For me, the task seemed daunting, but I was committed to finding a way to raise my children as Jews.
When my children were old enough for pre-school, we looked at all the options local to us. Eventually, we chose a Jewish pre-school run by the JCC. At the time, I was more interested in a warm nurturing environment they offered, but the Jewish component of the curriculum seemed like a bonus. Both of my children thrived in that environment and loved going to school everyday.
Choosing a Jewish Day School
All too soon, my son approached kindergarten and the end of preschool. Public school seemed like the obvious choice. As the child of a long line of public school teachers and as an educator myself, I had always assumed that I would send my children to public school. A strong secular education is extremely important to our family. But, I quickly realized that placing my son in an environment that was also committed to Jewish values and education for elementary school would be a natural continuation for him. I also thought it would also take some of the pressure off of me to provide him with the Jewish education that I had never had. I thought we could use the school as guide for our family as we developed our own Jewish identity.
Choosing a Jewish day school was the best decision we have made about our children’s education. On top of helping develop our children’s Jewish knowledge and identities, our Jewish day school (MetroWest Jewish Day School of Framingham, MA) has given our family a community. We have met and become friends with many other families that share our values and beliefs. It has given us a support system that we just didn’t have because our families live so far from us. Our school community has become our local family.
I have also learned a lot about being a Jew myself, often guided by the questions my children asked on their way home from school. I don’t always have immediate answers for their questions. In fact, my answers often involve the phrase “I don’t know, but we should ask Rav-Hazzan [our head of school].” Our Jewish day school has inspired them to ask questions and it has given our family a community of people that we can ask for help.
Our Jewish day school has also shown me the beauty and diversity of Judaism and Jewish practice. Our community embraces families from a very wide variety of Jewish background. Some of our families identify themselves as Conservative or Reform or Modern Orthodox. Some families claim to be secular or humanist, only embracing the cultural aspects of Judaism. Other families are interfaith, raising their children with respect for both religious traditions. These differences have inspired many conversations about the many ways people can practice our faith. I am not sure how our family could have appreciated the true diversity of the Jewish people without this kind of community.
Members of the Tribe
As a Jew by choice, I have often questioned my own acceptance within the Jewish community. I have always felt a little nervous about sharing this detail of my journey with other Jews, because I feared that some people would think I was “less than” since I was not born Jewish. However, in our Jewish day school community, that detail is one that is accepted and embraced. In fact, I have even been greeted with enthusiasm for “helping diversify the gene pool.” My children are considered as Jewish as all the rest here and they have the tools available to them to explore Judaism and how it connects to them. They are also making life-long connections to other people in the Jewish community. Our Jewish day school has helped me feel like we are members of the tribe.
When I talk about choosing a day school with families who don’t attend Jewish day schools, the response is often that they aren’t “Jewish enough” to send their kids to a Jewish day school. But they have it all wrong. Choosing a Jewish day school education isn’t about how Jewish you are; it is about the connections you want your family to feel with Judaism.
Beth Null is a parent and Director of Admissions and Community Outreach at MetroWest Jewish Day School in Framingham, MA. She resides in Marlborough, MA with her husband, two children, and their entourage of furry pets.