This week’s parsha begins the Joseph saga.The picture the Torah paints of Joseph is one we may not see as flattering. Joseph is seventeen years old, the favorite child of his father. He knows he is the favorite, and seems to take advantage of that position. He is sent repeatedly to check up on his brothers as they shepherd the family herds in the pasture, and he brings back reports of his brothers’ transgressions to his father. He dreams dreams that predict his greatness, and (unlike his father, grandfather and great-grandfather) the next thing we read is how he tells his dreams to his family, who he predicts will be subservient to him. Joseph on a simple reading of the text is an entitled, self-centered tattletale. But he is destined for greatness, and on the whole, our tradition holds him in very high regard, referring to him as Yosef HaTzadik, Joseph the Righteous.
Later in life, he does some righteous things, exhibiting self control, respect for others and humility. But Joseph the teenager is hard to see as a model of righteousness. The midrash sees young Joseph in conflicting ways. Some midrashim take the view that what bothers us about Joseph is in fact a problem for God as well. What did Joseph report, asks one midrash? He accused his brothers improperly slaughtering animals, causing unnecessary pain, and of setting their eyes on Canaanite women, of whom his father disapproved. The midrash goes on to say that the accusations were incorrect (whether purposely or mistakenly) and Joseph was punished in Egypt by being accused of assaulting his master’s wife, and of flouting the Egyptian norms of slaughter. His bad behavior comes back to him. Other midrashim excuse his bringing bad reports on his brothers, explaining that he was concerned for his brothers’ moral development and rather than watching them do the wrong thing, he wanted to help them grow to be better people. He felt they would not listen if he told them (or maybe he did tell them and they didn’t listen), so he told his father so Jacob could teach them. Another midrash explains that the sons of Leah used to call their other brothers “sons of slaves”, even though Jacob had married Blihah and Zilpah, too, elevating them from servants to wives. Joseph, though, treated them with respect.
The midrash takes the same approach to the brothers and their appalling behavior. Joseph may be a difficult brother to have, but the brothers are almost prepared to kill him, and don’t have a problem throwing him in a pit, selling him into slavery, and reporting him dead to their father, who is crushed by the news. While this action haunts them throughout their lives, the midrash finds ways to look at them more favorably. They are not just attacking an annoying little brother. Looking back at their father and grandfather, they see that each of them was chosen to continue the family legacy over his brother. The other brothers of Isaac and Jacob are left with nothing of the family’s legacy or property, except for a promise that things will work out for them, too. Joseph is clearly the favorite, and is bringing back reports that make them look bad. They see his actions as motivated by the intention to be the only son who inherits their family legacy and fortune. He’s not just making them look bad. In their minds he is literally ruining their lives! Their actions, still wrong, are more understandable.
So Joseph the Righteous wasn’t perfect. His brothers definitely weren’t perfect. They each do some things we can’t approve of, and yet, our tradition is prepared to read each of their stories through the most flattering lens. Perhaps each of them was acting out of the best intentions and in the most appropriate way they knew how. Perhaps they misunderstood each other, and acted on a misinterpretation reality. Can we, too, find it within ourselves to read all of their actions in as righteous a way as possible?
Could we do the same for our children? I sometimes think the person who comes off looking the worst in this whole picture is Jacob. How does he not see that his indulgence of Joseph is fostering such antagonistic relationships among his children? Has he taught his other children his most deeply held values? Has he taken the time to impart his wisdom to them or is he focused only on his favorite? Why doesn’t Jacob make better decisions as a parent?
I am left wondering, is Jacob, like the midrash, trying to see the best in each of his children? Does he let Joseph develop his sense of superiority out of blindness to his son’s faults? Does he fail to help the brothers’ relationship out of not seeing how dire the situation has become? Or is he actually prone to seeing the worst in each of them? Do the bad reports drive Jacob to lose hope for his older sons and pour his focus into Joseph? When he hears Joseph’s dream that implies Jacob, too will bow to him, Jacob reprimands Joseph, and “holds onto the matter”. Does this forever impact Jacob’s view of his favorite son?
As parents we are called on to walk the line between unconditional love, and firm guidance. Jacob offers an example of the difficulty of walking that line. But in the end, he brings his family to a new stage. He will be the first patriarch to manage to pass the family legacy to all of his children. This suggests that maybe he was, in the end, able to see the best in each child, even while seeing their faults. May we learn from Jacob, and even surpass him, seeing our children through the best possible lens without turning a blind eye to the struggles that will threaten their ability to grow into the best version of themselves. May we see the great potential of each of our children, and nurture it, while also seeing the potential pitfalls and guiding them around them.